The issue of sex has occupied a prominent position in the human thinking and activity. Sex, as a need and behavior, has been fully dealt with in Islam. Therefore, it is recognized within the family context only.
Islam considers the sex experience a unique, private, decent, and meaningful. Consequently, all related issues must be dealt with on the same principle.
ISLAM AND SEX
.Humans in the glorious Quran are mentioned highest of all the God’s creations and hence they are advised again and again they should distinguish themselves from rest of the species. Meanwhile, Islam does not treat it as a distasteful, filthy, or heinous act of man. Allah states in the Glorious Quran Sura Al-Imran 3:14
“Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet: women and sons; heaped-up hoards of gold and silver; horses branded and wealth of cattle and well-tilled land.
Islam attempts to answer and fulfill all human needs and requirements. Islam does so by setting certain lawful limits and restrictions to ensure satisfying these needs in a right and lawful manner.
“People enter Jannah, Paradise mostly based on Taqwa of Allah [full respect and obedience of the Commands of Allah and His Messenger, and based on their good conduct. [While] most people will enter Hellfire because of the [ill use] of the mouth and private parts.” 1(Tirmizi.)
Islam looks at the proper use of the sex as an act of worship of prescribed types of worship. Allah’s Messenger alluded to this concept when he said;
“[A Muslim] would have an intercourse with his spouse ad would be rewarded for it. The Companions asked; ‘Oh Messenger of Allah! A person would be rewarded while satisfying his sexual need?’ Allah’s Messenger replied;
‘Yes. Isn’t it that he would be punished had he practiced sex illegally? The same applies if a Muslim practiced a lawful intercourse with his spouse. As such, he would be rewarded.”2(Ahmad )
The only acceptable way for sexual satisfaction in Islam is a lawful “marriage”. In fact, Islam urges Muslims to seek marriage and encourages them to practice it. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said;
Who ever is financially capable of marriage but does not marryhe does not belong to me. (Al. Bihaqi)
. To the society, Islam regards marriage as a place to foster love, affection, closeness, and self-denial. Further, Islam regards marriage as a requirement to maintain the human race. Neglecting marriage or rejecting it is regarded as a denial of all the normal human behaviors and pure code of social ethics
The objective of marriage in Islam is to achieve tranquility and peace of mind for both spouses. Allah states in Quran Sura Rum 30:21
“And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between you [hearts]: verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.”
In fact, one of the objectives of marriage is to protect both spouses against indulgence in unlawful sexual Allah states in Quran Sura Baqarah 2:187
“They are your garments and ye are their garments”.
Islam regards it a great sin for man to place his semen in a womb that is unlawful to him. Allah’s Messenger states:
“There is no greater sin after the sin of associating partners with Allah than a man placing his semen in a womb [private part of a woman] that is unlawful for him to place.’1(Ahmad)
Islam and Marriage
Islam commands its followers to marry as early as they are able.
Allah states in Quran Sura Nur [The Light] 24:32
“Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among your slaves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His Grace; for Allah encompasseth all, and He knoweth all things.”
If a male Muslim can’t afford to marry because of poverty, he is commanded to chastise himself. Allah states in Quran Sura Nur [The Light] 24:33
“Let those who find not the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah gives them means out of His Grace.”
Allah’s Messenger gives advice that makes it easier to a certain extent for a person, who is unable to marry for dearth of marriage expenses. This advice harnesses his desire to marry and enables him to control his sexual desires. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said;
“Oh young men! Whoever is capable [financially and otherwise] to [afford the expenses] of marriage, let him do so. [Marriage] helps one control his eyesight and chastise his private parts. But, he who can’t afford the marriage expenses, let him observe fast as it would [act] as a protector for him.”1(Bukhari)
Restriction of unlawful Sexual Stimulants
Islam bans all actions that lead to arouse the sex other than the permissible, out of precautious, bans all activities that lead to unlawful practices.Islam commands to apply the following methodology in order to restrict sexual intercourse:
- Islam commands parents to separate male and female children, who reach the age of puberty and maturity as they sleep. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said:
Sseparate [male children from females] when they sleep at that age.”1(Ahmad and Abu Dawoud)
- Islam ordains that Muslim women be segregated from stranger males and cover their bodies in an appropriate way. Allah states in Quran Sura Ahzab [The Confederates] 33:59
“Oh Prophet! Tell’ thy wives and daughters, and the believing women, that they should cast their outer garments over their persons [when abroad]: that is most convenient, that they should be known [as such] and not molested. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”
Islam, however, exempted to the elder, unmarriageable ladies from this practice.Islam commands to protect and lower the eyesight against all unlawful scenes Allah states in Quran Sura Nur[The Light] 24:30-31
“Say to the Believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do, And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what [must ordinarily] appear thereof…”.
- Islam ordains both adult and mature males and females to seek permission prior entering any private residence.
Allah states in Quran Sura Nur 24:59
“But when the children among you come of age, let them [also] ask for permission, as do those senior to them [in age]: thus does Allah make clear His Signs to you: for Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom.”
- Islam bans male Muslims to be alone with any female, other than immediate relatives that are not permissible for marriage, or a spouse. Such privacy may lead to satanic seduction. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said:
“Any man, who sits in a privacy with a female, [whom he can marry], would be accompanied by Satan as the third companion to the two”.1(Tirmizi).
Allah’s Messenger explained the best method to be with a female saying:
“A man must not be alone with a woman, unless one of her male (Marham) immediate relatives [i.e., a husband, a father, a son, a brother, a nephew, a grandson] is present with them”.2(Bukhari and Muslim).
- Islam bans a wife to describe the physical details of another woman. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said:
“A woman must not see another woman [exposed in a private females meeting], then describes the details of that woman to her husband”.1(Ahmad).
- Islam bans women to get out of their homes wearing full make up and perfume.
Islam instructs women allowed to appear before lawful relatives to do so with casual clothes and ornamentations.
Islam bans a woman to travel alone. A woman must travel with an immediate relative described earlier as Mahram.
Islam and Female Protection
The real intent of Islam underlying all the rulings, restrictions, procedures, and commands for women is their own protection. Islam aims at preserving their honor, and upholding their dignity.Women, by nature are weak physically [in comparison with men]. Women are bound to have menses, after birth confinement, child nursing, and pregnancy. Islam requires a Mahram or immediate relative of a woman to take care of all her needs and provide her the best security and safety he could.
Islam and Personal Desires
- Allah’s Messenger commands a man, who glances at a woman, which stimulates his sexual instinct to return home to his family [if he is a married man] and approach his wife. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said:
“if a [married man] notices [physically] something of a woman that arouses him [sexually], let such a man go back to his home and approach his wife. Doing so would cool him if.” (Muslim.)
- Islam commands both spouses to satisfy their personal [sexual] desire with each other when either spouse is interested to do so.
- Islam entitles a wife to seek a court judgment against her husband if he neglects to satisfy her sexual needs as well..
Islam and Marriage
Islam permits Muslims to satisfy their sexual needs only through lawful marriage.
“Islam controls and organizes the sexual behavior and needs. Allah ordained that a mutual acceptance and agreement must be secured for marriage relationship between a man and a woman. The man and the woman who are to establish a marriage contract and relationship must perform a “Request” and an “Acceptance”. Both spouses to be must have witnesses to testify that marriage contract
Spouse Selection in Islam
Islam urges marriage seekers to select a long lasting relationship, establish a beloved, and caring family, which should serve the society. Allah states in Quran Sura Al-Nur 24:32
“Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among your slaves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His Grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and He knoweth all things.”
Allah’s Messenger explained the issues that urge a Muslim to marry.Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said:
“A woman would be sought for marriage for the following four items: for her wealth, beauty, [honorable] lineage, or for her [strong commitment to] Islam.
[When you seek a woman to marry], may Allah bless your hands; seek the one with a strong commitment to faith”.1(Bukhari and Muslim).
Islam seeks to prepare the best men as husbands. Islam cares a lot for the woman and urges Muslims to be the best for their families, and wives in particular. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said:
“The most perfect Believers in terms of faith are those, who posses the best character and manners. The best among you are those who are best to their women. I, as Allah’s Messenger am the best among you to my family.”1(Abu Daoud).
In addition, Islam idealizes a wife as the best woman. Allah’s Messenger describes such a woman as follows:
“[She is that woman] who pleases [her husband] when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands [instructs or requests], fulfills his demands and preserves his wealth.’2(Muslim).
Lawful sight of Fiancées (before Marriage)
Islam permits both spouses to have a look at each other.
Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said to a man who came and told him about his engagement of a certain woman. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said:
“Did you look at her? The man replied negatively. Allah’s Messenger commanded him: ‘Go and see her. It is hoped that you both would become lovable to each other”.2(Tirmizi)
Love and affection, between a husband and wife, are normal feelings according to Islam. Therefore, so long as this love is pure, innocent, and lawful, Islam condones it and nourishes it by lawful means. A man came and asked Allah’s Messenger as follows:
“Oh Messenger of Allah! I have an orphan girl in my custody. Two men sought her for marriage. One is rich and the other is poor. We like the rich and she likes the poor. [to whom should we offer her in marriage?]. Allah’s Messenger said”: ‘Nothing is known to be better for people who love one another than marriage”.1(Ibn Majah)
Marriage Contract, Dowry and Wedding
- Islam requires specific conditions in a marriage. The first requirement is the acceptance and approval of both parties. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said:
“A widow or divorce [woman] must not be [forced to] marry unless she approves it. The virgin, also, must not be [forced to] marrying unless she is sought permission. The Companions asked: How could we seek her permission? He replied: “If she observed silence it means she gave her permission.” Ibn Maja
- If a woman is forced to marry without her consent, she has the right to break that marriage.
The role of a legal guardian is also another requirement of a valid marriage.
If there is no guardian, or if the guardian forbids his guarded woman to marry, despite the mutual agreement of male and female, the guardianship would automatically transfer to the judge or authorities.
- Islam ordains a wedding party to celebrate their happiness for the occasion.
The Etiquette at the Night of Wedding
At the first meeting after wedding night, the bridegroom is advised to present himself in a pleasant manner, with sweet conversations, and in a very kind way to the bride. Allah’s Messenger did the same on the night of marriage to Aeshah. He sat next to her, requested a jug of milk, and drank of it, and then he passed it to her. She also drank of the same glass.
Joking and playing between spouses
Islam, in fact, places a great value for the fun between the two spouses. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said:
“All the fun that man has is vain except for three items; shooting arrows, disciplining [training] a gorse and having fun with his wife. These three items are but truthful [or lawful] means of fun”.1(Ahmad).
In fact, Islam encourages best grooming for both spouses. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said:
“Truly, Allah is Beautiful and He likes Beauty”.2(Muslim).
Limits of fun between spouses Bed Fun
- Both spouses are permitted to see each other in the nude. Both are also entitled to enjoy one another to the utmost. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have replied:
“Protect [cover you private parts [fully] except from your spouse or those whom you right hand possess”.1(Abu Daoud)
- Both spouses are entitled to enjoy each other fully in terms of sexual intercourse in any position, provided the husband approaches his wife in Vagina.
“Your wives are as a tilth unto you: so approach you tilth when or how you will; but do some good act for your souls before hand; and fear Allah, and know that ye are to meet Him [in the Hereafter], and give [these] good tidings to those who believe.”
A husband and wife may enjoy each other, while in menstruation, if they avoid the actual intercourse. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said;
“You may do anything [with each other as a husband and wife, while in menstruation] except of actual intercourse”.3(Muslim).
Significance of Orgasm.
- The husband must play with his wife, talk to her nicely, and kiss her in order to arouse her sexually. In addition, a husband must wait for his wife to satisfy her sexual desire. Allah’s Messenger is reported to have said:
“If a husband has an intercourse with his wife he must be truthful with her. If he got sexually satisfied before she does, then he should wait for her to get her satisfaction”.3(Abu Ya’la).
In addition, Omar bin Abdul Aziz is reported to have narrated the following Hadith of Allah’s Messenger:
“Don’t approach you wife sexually and have intercourse with her right away. You should wait until she is a Sexually arouses as you are. The man asked: Oh Messenger of Allah! What should I do [in order to achieve that?] he replied: ‘Kiss her, touch her, and try to arouse her. If you notice that is she is as ready sexually as you are, then perform the intercourse”.1(Al-Moghni).
Fun while taking a bath
A fun with the wife is not confined to the bed only. A husband may have fun with his wife all the time, if privacy for both is well secured and maintained. It is reported of mother Aeshah that she said:
“Allah’s Messenger and I, bathed of the same pot of water that we placed between both of us. He would beat me to take the water until I say to him. ‘let me have some! Let me have some!”1(Bukhari)
As we pointed out earlier, fun with the wife is permitted at all times and at all places if the full privacy is secured and maintained.
Mother Aysha again reports that she and prophet used to have race with each other when there was no one around.
Divorce in Islam
Islam regards marriage bond as sacred and blessed As such Islam is keen to strengthen the relationship between the two spouses. Allah’s Messenger demonstrated the respect and honor of the marriage bond by saying
He is not considered amongst us [Muslims] who turn a woman against her husband. (Abu Daoud and Nasai)
Although Islam places a great importance on the marriage integrity and declares it holly and honorable, yet Islam legalizes divorce that breaks this great bond. However Allah’s messenger is reported to have described divorce:
“The most hatered lawful item in the sight of Allah”. (Abu Daoud and Nasi)
Divorce is compulsory when the two assigned referees decide it in the case of disputed spouses. Allah states in Quran Sura Nisa 4:35
If ye fear a between them then appoint two arbiters one from his family and the other from hers. If they wish for peace, Allahwill cause their reconciliation: for Allah hath full knowledge, and is aquired with all things.
- Divorce is unlawful if there is no sound and visible reason or ground for it.
- Divorce is permissible either of the spouses is vicious in terms of character and attitude.
- Divorce is required if either of the spouses is not committed to Islamic teachings, or if any of them is indecent or vulgar.
Khul’a in Islam.
Khul’a is divorce on the insistence of the wife’s request in Islam. Islam does not treat women as sex or house work slave. Allah states in Quran Sura Nisa 4:19.
“On the contrary live with them on a footing of Kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good”
The presence of a husband with a woman whom he doesn’t like or vice versa would very likely lead to suspicious and unlawful relationships. Therefore Islam legalized divorce. Allah states in Quran Sura Nisa 4:130
But if they disagree [and must part] Allah will provide abundance for all from his all reaching bounty: For Allah is He that careth for all and is wise.
Rights of divorce, right to remarry, right of inheritance and right of independent business were all given to women in Islam 1500 hundred years ago.